Toddler Rides: Magic Kingdom

WARNING: By taking a toddler on any of the rides below, you do have a significant risk of discovering the true meaning of the phrase "To Infinity and Beyond!" As it is a proven fact that toddlers are quite capable of reaching infinity before snack time and long after they have exhausted all of your energy reserves.

The vast majority of toddlers love the Tomorrowland Transit Authority, although one with a fear of the dark may dislike it when it goes through Space Mountain. They also will enjoy the Disney World Railroad-be warned, strollers can be a tricky issue for this ride. It may be a bit slow for you, but I suggest just doing a whole circuit in the train for fun rather than using it as a way to get around Magic Kingdom. Cinderella's Golden Carousel is another hit.

But then, we come to the "dark rides". Dark rides are those which are enclosed within a building such as Pirates of the Caribbean and the Haunted Mansion. Despite not being all that dark, Small World is also a dark ride and a very good one for toddlers at that. The song is really not as much of an earworm in the ride as people like to say. The earworm ride prize goes to the Carousel of Progress, which toddlers enjoy during the singing, but the rest is lost on them. However, it's always nicely air conditioned. And...I just cursed myself into having that song in my head for the rest of the night.

Dumbo, The Magic Carpets of Aladdin and Triceratops Spin are all basically the same rides, which toddlers enjoy. Dark rides, however are not created equal. The Maelstrom in Epcot, although mild on the thrills, has trolls that make it best avoided. While the arcade dark ride Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin at Magic Kingdom is not only a fun dark ride for teens and adults, there are buttons for toddlers to push! Going on this one with a toddler is tons more fun than actually racking up a high score..

The new additions to the Pirates of the Caribbean can be a bit scary to a toddler and the constant darkness in Haunted Mansion can be tough for some. It depends on the age. A younger toddler of 22-23 months may actually handle these better than even the most thrill-seaking two and a half year old who has reached an important cognitive developmental stage that makes them rather more sensitive. If they seem okay with those two rides, then you can give Peter Pan's Flight or Snow White's Scary Adventures a try.

An older toddler or a preschooler will likely enjoy the Tomorrowland Indy Speedway. Since it's on tracks they can even steer it themselves while an adult controls the gas pedal. The wait for this one can get pretty long and tiring, though. The Jungle Cruise varies depending on the toddler, as does the Enchanted Tiki Room, which can actually be alarming for them.

Of course, toddlers wouldn't be toddlers if they didn't prefer things like a box instead of the toy that came in it. You may find the best toddler attraction of all isn't even in Magic Kingdom; The Monorail. If you aren't in a rush to get back to your resort, try going around on this once, or twice, or to the toddlerth power. (The field of mathematics doesn't recognize this as a legitimate exponent, but only because the combined mind power of the whole field throughout all of history and the future is unable to calculate a number that goes that high. However, it can easily be reached by all toddlers merely by using the word "again!")